I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
