I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
