I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
