I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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