The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
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There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
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you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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