Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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