New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
