drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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