dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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