I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
