I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
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Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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