So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
