Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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