Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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