By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
