ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
