If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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