i barfeds in our rink
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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