i jhust puked up my retainher.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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