I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
