I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
