I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
