I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
