When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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