I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
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Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I love you.
Bad choice
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