my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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