i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
