saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
