it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
