burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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