I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
