PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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