Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
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Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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