I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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