bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
