Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
