dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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