it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
