My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
These tits shall not be calmed
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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