Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
