found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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