Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
