if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
