Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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