I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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