there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
