Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
