I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she told me i tasted like america
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
