probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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