I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
