porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
