my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just had sex bonerless
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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