There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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