dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
