The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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