their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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