I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
