thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
