I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
