I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
