im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize