she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
