So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
