is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
