i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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