Michael Bay diarrhea
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
