what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
