I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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