It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
