the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
