my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
