I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
