Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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