Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
